


Hold On Me

by WarningNSFW



Series: Ereni's Mordern Day Life AU [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 22:26:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15760962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarningNSFW/pseuds/WarningNSFW
Summary: Levi wakes up on his living room couch hungover and surrounded by an uncomfortable scene. Shards of glass and empty beer bottles litter the floor, indicating that he was in a drunken rage. Fearful of Eren's well being, he searches for his lover and finds that Eren has locked himself in the bathroom. Levi tries to explain his action to Eren and get him to come out of the bathroom for his own sake. But Eren is engaged in a battle of his own.





	Hold On Me

Levi was forced awake by a glass bottle being smashed against his forehead. A sharp edge of glass broke its way through his skull and into his brain by some unknown assaulter. It stayed there for a moment before retreating, leaving behind the agitating headache Levi now had to suffer. His body jerked upright and he cried out in anguish from both his quick, sudden movement and the hallucination. He swore under his breath once he collected himself and held his hands in his heads. How hungover was he that his brain gave him the illusion of being murdered?

After another few moments, Levi surveyed his surroundings. It must've been the middle of the night considering how dark it was outside. He could barely see anything as well. Levi searched his pockets and found that his phone was still there. He turned on the flashlight and pointed it towards the floor.

Glass. Shards of it. Bottles worth of it. Most of it was gathered by the wall. Around and above them were the stains created by the liquor. Some unbroken bottles scattered the floor, all of them empty. However, right next to the couch was a bottle of water. It was still cool and dew covered the outside, indicating that it hadn't been out of the fridge for long.

"Eren." Levi started to panic. If this scene were to indicate anything… then Eren could be- Eren! Eren! Where was he? Oh god please be home. Please be safe. Levi carefully made his way out of the living room and to their bedroom. He quietly pushed the door open, the room was empty, but the bathroom light was on. Levi turned to turn the handle, but the door was locked. There were no sounds coming from the other side either. Levi took a deep breath, now was not the time to assume the worst.

Three soft knocks and Eren's name being whispered softly was what awoke him. Eren didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but he felt somewhat rested. His eyes were red and sore from sobbing and his body ached from sleeping on the cold hard bathroom floor. For a moment he thought he was still dreaming about his father. He still felt the pain of being hit in those places where bruises never healed. But the second set of soft knocks and the soft pleading of his name brought him back to reality and made some of the pain he felt disappear, some of it.

"Eren, are you okay? Please answer me." Levi sounded tired and his voice was full of worry and fear. Eren also felt those things, and it made him angry to not know if he felt them worst than Levi. Eren didn't know if he should answer, and if he did, what would he say? He wasn't angry enough to yell, nor was he brave enough. He was tired and wanted to sleep, but he didn't want to be anywhere near Levi. Eren inched away from the door and huddled under the sink. He leaned his back against the cabinets, wrapped his arms around his legs, and rested his head on his knees. His usually defensive position after he father was done beating him.

Levi noticed Eren's shadow move, giving him some relief knowing that Eren was awake and listening. Levi didn't know what happened, but he could tell it was a drunken rage. He didn't know what he did to Eren other than terrify him, but Levi was fearful he physically hurt Eren like his father. So he had to choose his words carefully.

"Eren," he started. "I know you don't want to see or talk to me, but I know you're listening. I want you to allow me to explain."

"Explain," Eren thought. "Bullshit, he knows what he did. He's not stupid. There's nothing to "explain"." That was a lie, Eren knew it was. Unlike his lover, Eren couldn't contain his emotions very well. One emotion to be exact. Rage. Although he was learning to work with and let go of his anger from his past, he was still only getting started with his recovery. So rage would continue to build up inside him and cloud his mind. But Levi was older and more patient than him, so much so that it would sometimes seem they were many more years apart instead of the three.

"I'm sorry, Eren. I didn't mean to hurt you in anyway. You know I don't drink as much anymore, since after you came into my life there wasn't much of a need too. And you know that I'm not an angry drunk, but I couldn't help it with my feelings at the time."

"Why did you get drunk?" Eren spoke lowly, trying to bite back the vile in his voice. He felt that heat build up inside him, that anger of the scare twelve-year-old he once was. Hiding in a unclean bathroom from the beast that slept down the hall. 

"I got some news. A ghost from my past came back to haunt me. It was too much for me to handle, and I didn't think to call you and tell you to come back home. I felt like it was me against the world again. And I turned back to my old escape during that time." For a moment, Eren felt some of the heat start to subside and be replaced with sympathy and compassion for the man he loved. But the angry twelve-year-old inside of him still wanted answers. He wanted to know why he was punished for doing nothing, for something out of his control. He wanted to know why he had to feel the sharp cuts of glass violating his skin, threatening to take away his hands, for breathing and being alive. And he felt even more enraged because he didn't know how to ask those questions.

"You should've call me, then this could've all be avoided." Eren growled.

Levi sighed, "I know... I know." Levi pressed his hands and forehead against the door. He wanted to see Eren's face, he wanted to touch him and feel being in his arms. He needed it, it was the only way he could feel whole again. "Are you hurt anywhere? Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm not okay dumbass!" Eren snapped. He quickly wished he could take it back. He knew he was hurting Levi and didn't mean to do so. But he also didn't know what he meant to do at the moment. His heart and the angry twelve year old where currently at in the midst of battle. The child wanted stand up, open the door, and get revenge on Levi. But the child was shaking with fear and lacked the courage to open the door and defend himself. But his heart tired to soothe the child and tell him that Levi wasn't his father. He had made a mistake, yes, but it was a forgivable one. Levi was not his enemy, Eren had no enemies.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" Was what Levi wanted to ask. But he quickly caught himself, wording it like that would weaken his chances of Eren coming out and talking to him. Of Eren holding him. "Are you physically hurt?"

"No." Eren said in a normal tone. He had a small scratch on his cheek, but that was all, nothing serious.

"Good." Levi breathed a sigh of relief.

"What happened to you? What made you do it." Eren growled. One wrong answer. One wrong answer and Eren would do it. He would finally stand up and yell, he would fight, all he needed was the excuse.

"My uncle died." Levi answered quickly. "He died a few days ago, in a bathroom stall in Vegas." Eren froze. It felt like the world stopped and the two of them were still. The heat died out and was replaced with ice and water as Eren mentally slapped himself. He was being so childish. He was so selfish and stupid to rely on and blame his stupid past for his pain. He was so ignorant and blind with petty rage to realize that on the other side of the door Levi was in much more pain than he was.

"I'm sorry." Eren apologize to Levi. "I'm sorry." Eren whispered to himself.

"He was a piece of shit," Levi started to explain before Eren could ask any more questions. He found me after my mom died. He took me in and trained me to fight his fucking battles because he was weak. He didn't raise me, he only fed me so I could keep fighting. But do you know how many days of school I had to skip because he was passed out or didn't come home for three days. I had to learn first aid to treat my wounds myself, my meals were even more shitty when I made them. I was failing school because no one would help me. I was lost, wondering the streets for hours, bloody and bruised because I was left somewhere and he didn't want to take me home because he wanted to celebrate "his victory". 

"Everyday I would hope and pray that someone would find me and take me away and give me a normal life. Everyday I would write a letter to someone who would find it and come and get me. And once I was done with that letter I would write some more. Of a better life, somewhere far away from there, with mom. Writing was all the strength I had to do most days. And finally, after years and years, he left and never came back. 

"And I was alone in that shitty fucking dirty ass house in that slum of a neighborhood for days. My school got worried and called the police. The police found me and handed me off to social workers. I was too much of a shit case, constantly pissed and distrusting and ready to cut anyone in a five foot radius of me. I didn't find a sable place that was willing to put up with me until high school. They were the only people willing to give me a chance, to look past my exterior and see who I really was and could be."  
Eren knew who Levi was talking about. His foster family and siblings. Levi rarely spoke of them nor his past. But whenever he talked about his family there was always a warm smile on his face and a loving look in his eyes.

"And then today the fucking silence breaks. The police called me and said that; 'Kenny Ackerman has died of alcohol poisoning in a casino bathroom'. And apparently, he left me a message. He told his buddies that if he were to ever die, to tell the police to contact me and tell me this; 'Goodbye soldier, I'm sorry'.

"Your sorry? After all these years, after everything you've done to me, your fucking sorry!? Bullshit! That's total and complete BULLSHIT! And he knows it! He never cared about me, he even bothered to bury mom! He just up and left me, a twelve-year-old, for some godforsaken reason, to die.

"When I hung up with the police, I laughed. I laughed because I fucking lived bitch and I'm living a better fucking life then he ever will. I had gotten revenge and I never wanted it in the first place.

"Then I started to break down. There was so much insane shit going through my head. Because I could've sworn, I swear to you, he died without a single regret. That was something he always told me, to not give a fuck and live with no regrets. And that attitude got him dead. But it also made him do what he did to me. And I swear to God, he died with a smile on his face. He died because he didn't give a SHIT! And that's what make me break."

Levi's voice was shaking as violently as his body He clenched his fist and tried to steady himself against the door. "And I drunk it all away." He was beginning to sob. "Because the pain was too much for me to handle. Because I was once again too much of a coward to take it."

As soon as he heard Levi's sobs, as soon as he saw the door shake from the pounds of his fist, Eren blotted to the door. He threw it with so much force that it could've made a dent in the wall. Eren grabbed Levi, who was shaking like there was a earthquake, and pulled him close into his body. He squeezed Levi like he was a child's toy whom a stubborn child didn't want to part with. For without Eren, Levi felt as though the world was ending, and Eren was there to prevent the end of the world.

"I'M SORRY!" Levi wailed into Eren's shirt. "I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO EREN! I DIDN'T WANT TO!"

"I know." Eren said softly, hoping that his voice would calm the both of them down. "I'm sorry for acting like a child. I'm sorry you had to remember that and I was too stubborn to help."

"EREN! IT HURTS EREN!"

"I know it does." Eren was starting to shake too, and gripped Levi harder. "It hurts too much. So cry, love. Cry and let it all out, I'm here for you."

Levi breathed in a few more gulps of air in between his sobs. If he was going to say these next few words, he was going to say them now while he didn't have any fear. "I LOVE YOU EREN JAEGER! I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH IT HURTS! Your the only person in the world- the only one who've I've ever felt this way about! And I don't want to let go of you! I don't want to lose you and what you give me because I know I can't get it from anyone else! And I want to do so much more with you! I want to keep learning from you! Bettering myself with you! I want to become so good that we buy a stupid house with a stupid dog and live one of those dumbass happy and peaceful domestic life until we're old and dead!

"I want to sneak behind your back and figure out the measurement of your finger for your ring. I want to stress out over how to propose to you and have a small wedding. I want the both of us to wear white, and hold hands and smile and- and fucking hell I don't know! I don't know about anything but that! And I want to keep you until that happens and beyond that!

"But I don't want it to happen here. I hate California and I want to escape this shitty ass high ass rent while we can! I want to run away again, Eren! I want us to go together and make it the last time we run away. I want to build a life with you. A peaceful one! Where it's just the two of us, together!" Levi started to sob again, softer this time. Eren was also crying, he didn't know if it was sadness or joy as one was outweighing the other.

"I feel the same way, Levi." He said truthfully through his tears. And he held Levi with all of his strength as they continued to sob together. 

As all was forgiven.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Sam Padrul's song Hold On Me (please check it out)- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WevHcT-4zsg&index=7&list=PLRP89OwO1LJ9BJjj5lgbtaifFU_5IFwsG&t=0s
> 
> This is gonna be a two parter. I was so excited and proud of what I wrote that I deiced to post the first half now and the smut later LOL. I'll try to get part two done soon and not keep you all waiting for months.


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